I

I hate myself
Utterly hate who I am and what I've done
I'm afraid to relive that nightmare
Afraid to sleep
Savagely still
Ridged in
A nameless pain
Nameless
I am nameless and lost
Tumbling down myself
On a twisted set of stairs
Crumbling under the weight
Of love
Love is a mine field
You get blown up to pieces again
And again
With a
wrong
Movement

I
Hate
Myself
For
Still
Loving
You

When
You
Don't
Care
Let
Alone
Love
Me
Back

Back to
The harsh reality that is being so utterly alone
Black hold
Black hole
Scorched I am
And there is no phoenix in these ashes
There is no healing
No peace after the storm

There is only the filth in which I dug
Scraped out of myself
On my hands
And there is no towel
So i see it everyday
As a reminder
A token
Of how much I loved you
Loved you enough....
To pull it all out
Like black dripping hot tar
And change