Farewell

I said farewell before
Before I fell apart
The first time
Spiraling spiraling where to go but down
And now
I've said it again
Where to go
Where to run but down
Up into the clouds
Down into what takes to long to reach
I dug out all the ugly to make room
For the beautiful
But there was nothing beautiful In the pain
I had accidentally made room for
Leave leave
Leave me alone
And I know that one day I will see you happy
And slide
Slide so far down
Death is no answer, life is more problems
The solution
Is far from available
This is no x+-2x=40
this has no calculations
It only has what I never thought
I would have to bear

Tearing, ripping
Like old parchment bleached
From being left out in the sun
I would dare to sound cliche
My heart being ripped out of my chest
By an uncaring twisted
Puppet master
On strings
I cut them and said farewell

Knowing that this time... I will not
Be the toy
I will not reconnect or be reconnected
I will only lay
In this bed I have
made for myself in loving
What never loved me back

Freedom freedom good old
Freedom
You have It
All your time that
I couldn't give you
You have it
You have them
All that you ever wanted
So of course
I'm not welcome