Socks

I can't sleep with my socks on
I can sleep with socks and shoes
but not just socks
It seems that the majority of life is like that.
Layers of complications surrounded in layers of colors or monotone grays.
and I wish i could unwrap you
not cut through you to see what you hold
but unwrap you
i wish i could tenderly peel back another pet peeve or annoyance
to gently hold you cradled in my palms kissing each bruise and problem
I wish i knew how you'd sleep like
i wish i knew how hazy your eyes looked in the morning
i wish i knew what it would feel like to hold you to me and kiss you
as if tomorrow didn't exist
I worry like a friend....
I worry like a lover...
I'm nothing bur a pebble you threw that rippled the water
I wish i knew what you smiled like
I wish i knew how you smelled
I wish i knew what you wanted
I wish i could press my cheek into your hand and feel its warmth
i wish i knew everything was ok

I can't sleep with your shirt on
i can sleep with your crumpled picture in my hand
but not with your shirt
It seems that the majority of life is like that.
Layers of complications surrounded in layers of colors or monotone grays.

I Will

I will write a serenade
for every faltering smile i see
I will write a poem
For every hurt soul i see
I will break chains that bind
I will enjoy what little i can
I will live through their smiles
I will wake for their tears
I will protect those that need protecting
I will picture the nature surrounding
I will protect myself from what i want

i will whisper my feelings
until they turn to dust
I will wait for hope
like so many others before
I will enjoy the recoil of a gun
I will mend others hearts
I will learn to be happy with what is given
I will help those that do not speak
I will bring peace in my wake
I will bring a gentle smile in my presence
I will be alive to watch them live

I will sing a song
for every heart break i see
I will hold a breath
for every drowning soul i see
I will save them
I will be there no matter what
I will take my throne
I will keep my family safe
I will keep everyone i touch within a picture
I will keep them alive
I will keep trying
I will keep smiling
I will put on the mask again

The Queen of Diamonds
Is back
I will breathe and exhale
I will be the stronghold
I will not crack
I will live

Its good to breathe

Breathin like oh oh
its good to be alive again
Breathing like this air is all oxygen
Oh oh honey its good to be alive again
Lips twisted up at the sides
i'm breathing like oh oh
its good to be alive again
A war in the heart
is not a war in the head
a war in my smile
is better than a war in my bed
Breathing like oh
oh oh
Whats the forcast for today?
You can rain with your info
you can hail with her marks
you can snow till you marry
a bright storm in your hearts
I wish you luck
dipped in chocolate
But breath back into my lungs inflating me
is sweeter than your torture
Breathing like oh oh
its good to be alive again
My voice will rise,
my feet will move
My arms open
filling me with this
this

Oh
its good to be alive again

His song

July flame
Firey kite
Will o wisp
Lead me through the night

July flame
Sweet summer peach
High up in the branch
Just out of my reach

can i call you mine
can i call you mine?

July Flame
I'm seeing fireworks
They're so beautiful
Tell me why it hurts

July flame
ashes of a secret heart
falling in my lemonade
Unslakable thirsting in the back yard

can i call you mine
can i call you mine?


(July flame by Laura Veirs)
ITs all there ever was to begin with

Stress and Depression

It consumed me
It took me by the chest and cut me open
with a surgeons hands
still awake
I fell asleep in pain
and woke up drowning in it

i can't even sleep in my own bed
knowing you held me in it once

i can't listen or hear sounds
knowing you are smiling happy in her hands

certain words
certain places,
like the top of the stairwell closest to my last years English room
certain places
certain words,
like angel and Love

I'm done with a gift called Feeling
I'm done with stress from school
college
careers
people
friends
lovers
boyfriends
fiances....

I can't even smile
knowing that it was once for you

I can't laugh or love
knowing that it was never enough

It consumed me
It took my by the chest and cut me open
with a surgeons hands
still awake
I fell asleep in pain
and woke up drowning in it

If it means I have to,
I'll never dream again

Taste like

i know what it taste like
the cold zing on my tongue
i know now
i know what it tastes like
i know now
the metal between your teeth
the sour spice in your mouth, i know
I know because i want it
i want a trigger
not your hand
it belongs to someone else now
you put the gun up
handed it to me
and said with a smile
I'm dating again

I don't want to be happy for you anymore....
I want to hand back this gun
and be numb
numb was better
so much better
But instead i stare down this metaphorical barrel
wishing i was dead
knowing i could never die by my hand
But maybe i could by yours

Tricks

Tricks like shadows come in dreams
They
whisper secrets
telling me that its all ok
that it never happened
that you're happy with me and i'm happy with you
Hand in hand we wait for each other
But you wake up like a whirlwind
And the smile disappears
I fell for it again you see
Wished for it again you know
I wake up only to drown again
or is it when I'm dreaming that I'm truly drowning
Tears fall down
down
d
o
w
n
onto dry empty hands
And i breath that first aching breath
The one that never lessens with time
the breath that hitches somewhere in my throat on your words
I'll never let you go
But you did
did more than that
You shoved me away
Threw me away
Buried me in your lies
and took her hand
I wanted to give you everything....
and you stripped it all away


you have a new angel now

Alone

I convinced myself i loved you...
I pushed until i broke
down
I convinced myself time and time again
That you were the one

all the while you knew

you knew didn't you?

you knew otherwise....

i held my eyes shut and wished
but nothing came true
she already had you
dressed in white
your new angel

Love hurts

A hole through my chest
a
Giant
Gaping
Crater

And these Memories
that both cut like glass
and comfort like warm blankets
They choke me
spill over tears...

I have a hole
a hole
through my chest

It's to busy playing target practice for it to notice
That its spreading
That its sucking me in
in in inward away from everything but my bed
and sickness
and this damned keyboard
I cant even
log onto the facebook page that says "single"
i

I

I Have this thing

This hole

Right here, where my heart fluttered once
Now it just burns
Infected and it hurts
Every moment i think of you
dream of you
breathe of you
But it doesn't matter anymore
This hole.....


.... Because You're Whole....

ITS WRONG I TELL YOU!

ITS WRONG!!!!!


Anyway...
I received a sliver of hope in a world of gray today...
A splash of color
like a drop of paint in a rain storm
A kiss of light
But hope you see, is a cruel seductress
A mistress of false presidence
She is an addiction as dangerous as any drug
an affliction that plagues you
The sound of a song to the deaf
A image to the blind
I received a sliver of hope
And she has greedily latched on
to play this never ending game of "what if's" in my head
one i know
that i will never win...


On a just as depressing note, ITS WRONG
YOU CANT.....
CANT MIX THAT
YOU CANT BE THE LEADER OF BOTH WORLDS
VULTURI MEETS LYCANS???
FUCKIN
NO!
(....sorry)

AFTER 3 FUCKIN MOVIES OF FIGHTING THEM!!!

LUCIAN KING OF THE LYCANS IS A VAMPIRE!!
THIS DESTROYS EVERYTHING!!!!!
EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
FUCKIN
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
*gets on floor and screams to the god of mythology AKA mr.Fore, WHY!?*
THIS IS WRONG
BLASPHEMY
CAUSE HE'S SO DAMN GOOD AT BEING THE LEADER OF MYTHICAL RACES

The less sleep i get, the less nightmares

have you ever wondered why you have things, When you look around and see a room full of stuff and think, if it came down to it, shouldn't the only things that i have be whatever i would risk saving in a fire.
Or what i would pack with me for a month trip in some foreign land.
Being a pack rat somehow.... i feel like i need every little thing in my room. From a rusty whistle, to a bag of pipe cleaners. From the candle glasses after their long gone out, and the notebook that i haven't written anything useful in since i was 12.
Staring at the ceiling, illuminated by the dull glow of this screen... I wonder whats really keeping them here...
Whats really keeping ME here.....

An elf

They say humans communicate and comfort through touch…
Through fingertips and warmth….
And I know they’re right sometimes…….
Like when I remember the brush of your lips against mine
Or the feeling of your arms closing around me and lifting me
To where there’s no ground
No world
No thought….
But to feel….
I know I’m more than human when that happens
When I feel alive
When I feel like you’re running through my veins as bright and vibrant as the sun
That you’re deep inside where it counts
Like when it rains and the skies turn to the storm
And I feel your warmth bubble up out from under sadness and cold
I see your eyes and smile and it’s worth it you know
Being so far away
When I hear you laugh
A melody in a dissonant world
No color or song would do you justice
No word or composition could touch your beauty
No drug or addiction can rival the euphoria I feel
At the simple thought of loving you
And I know they’re wrong Sometimes….
Like now when you’re gone
And my hearts beats like it’s in pieces
Yet when I close my eyes and see you
I know that for the rest of my life that you’ll be on the tip of my tongue
In the back of my mind
On the roof of my mouth
On the edge of my dreams
Inside the case of my chest
Another shade of gray waiting for your return for the rest of my life
Incomplete without your touch

Long before i knew

i fell in love with chocolate milk
with nesquick
I fell in love with how clean your room was in its hilarity
compared to the tornado of mine
I fell in love withyour hair
That glinted like coal
I fell in love with the beat of your heart
keeping you alive
I fell in love with the buttons that
made up your phone number
I fell in love with your presence
I fell in love with your eyes
brighter than the sun and stronger than steel
I fell in love with your plad pajamas
Your flailing arms
your yawns that sounded more like sighs
And the way your pupils dialated when you looked down at me
I fell in love with enerything you were
long before i realized
that i had fallen in love with you

Goodbye

We said out goodbyes it softly stolen screams
Between lines of please stop and its been over for quite some time
I said im done
The the heart i wanted was states away
beating on his bedroom floor
Life waning away like a flame with no oxygen
And i cried
Reading books trying not to think
of your face in the sink washing off another close call
Another one of my messages blinking on your screen...

His silhouetted body against muted outdoor light, made me think of the past
It made me think of the way your knuckles skidded over my cheek bone
The way you walked down the street in flannel pants not looking back at me
Just cause you trusted that I would follow you
Knowing that I would be more comforted than embarrassed by your stupid winter jacket
white t-shirt
sleepless face
and hair- that looked like electricity had tried to run its fingers through it
The way he hangs his head down in concentration
Makes me think of your stupid xbox controller
And falling asleep on your floor while you slaughtered zombies to increase your accuracy
Hell he doesn’t remind me of anything you do but it gives me another excuse to say you’re on my mind without seeming like a forgotten friend that thought of you as this
This
This imperfect being trying so hard to be something that was beautiful that you marred yourself with others mistakes just so you could justify your reasons to stay away from me
The chill down my spine excuses me to say that I remembered when you were deathly ill and I stayed with you knowing my immune system would mirror yours in a matter of days
But the color of your eyes and how much they reminded me of final fantasy was more important
…………I wonder if you make up excuses to think of me
I wonder if you try to justify them as something in the past
Or as something you just can’t forget
Or as something that’s not worth thinking about
Because you make better excuses than I do
And all I’ve got is the Pattern on the carpet to say that it reminds me of the welcome mat on your front porch where I used to wait for you


And I wonder
If you have a different one where you live now
And if you can picture me standing on it

Gray skies

I had a nightmare last night, you know the ones where you wake up, and they're so vivid that you relive them again while you brush your teeth,
again while you get dressed.
While you go to school.
While you sit in class....
a Nightmare that in all reality,
woke me up
one that made me look around and say, heh... i was right all along
Right while i stared out the window at gray skies and relived it again
word for word
Syllable for syllable
Like a chord of dissonance in a melody




Looking at her makes me feel even more alone, dwarfed by her charisma and beauty.
Finally i open my mouth

"I dont want you alone with him...
Look i know you like him and he likes you but right now we're together,
and...
Just when you two do, make sure to let me know.....
I'd rather know than be in the dark and be oblivious, I'd rather be thrown to the wasteside than be in the middle of it."

she smiles again

"We already did"

We will rule over all this land, and we will call it...this land.

Welcome