His silhouetted body against muted outdoor light, made me think of the past
It made me think of the way your knuckles skidded over my cheek bone
The way you walked down the street in flannel pants not looking back at me
Just cause you trusted that I would follow you
Knowing that I would be more comforted than embarrassed by your stupid winter jacket
white t-shirt
sleepless face
and hair- that looked like electricity had tried to run its fingers through it
The way he hangs his head down in concentration
Makes me think of your stupid xbox controller
And falling asleep on your floor while you slaughtered zombies to increase your accuracy
Hell he doesn’t remind me of anything you do but it gives me another excuse to say you’re on my mind without seeming like a forgotten friend that thought of you as this
This
This imperfect being trying so hard to be something that was beautiful that you marred yourself with others mistakes just so you could justify your reasons to stay away from me
The chill down my spine excuses me to say that I remembered when you were deathly ill and I stayed with you knowing my immune system would mirror yours in a matter of days
But the color of your eyes and how much they reminded me of final fantasy was more important
…………I wonder if you make up excuses to think of me
I wonder if you try to justify them as something in the past
Or as something you just can’t forget
Or as something that’s not worth thinking about
Because you make better excuses than I do
And all I’ve got is the Pattern on the carpet to say that it reminds me of the welcome mat on your front porch where I used to wait for you


And I wonder
If you have a different one where you live now
And if you can picture me standing on it